my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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