im drinking this country out of the recession.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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