Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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