I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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