I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize