You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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