You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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