i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize