I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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