i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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