Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just threw up on my dentist
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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