I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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