i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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