I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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