I look better un-naked...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize