As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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