she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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