just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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