dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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