Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize