Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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