remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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