you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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