capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize