I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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