I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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