So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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