dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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