I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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