So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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