so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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