Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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