I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
420 ftw
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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