Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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