Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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