Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize