Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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