have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize