he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize