My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize