i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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