Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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