Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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