Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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