the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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