i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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