Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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