This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize