the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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