dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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